It's Cool To Hate

I've been away for awhile. Settled down, bought a house, grown complacent. Dare I say it, I've calmed down a little.

Maybe I haven't calmed down and just been happy to stick my head in the sand. Been happier not being online, or at least not fucking with social media (do Reddit and a blog post after five years count?), because I truly believe more, with each passing day, that social media continues to make us dumber as a species.

So what could possibly bring me out of retirement, you ask, to this tired web page chock full of old posts that are mostly toy reviews?

It's the hate, you see. The stench of it purveying nearly everything these days, the inability for some of us to just enjoy things, no matter how flawed or stupid they are, and to act like whiny manchildren (and womenchildren, I suppose- the ladies surely hate as well) who contribute nothing, yet think somehow, something could be better.

I'm so tired of the hate and anger, the impotent bile of an amalgam of generations directed at... Everything. Everyone. That's right kids-- when things get too angry for the old Swifter, you know shit's well and truly fucked up.

So the Russians built an underground facility in the Starcourt mall-- wait, sorry, I just watched Stranger Things 3-- but our formerly communist friends did help tovarisch Cheeto win an election, because they supposedly have evidence of him getting pissed on by some hooers from a former Eastern Bloc nation, so they likely forced him into running for president so he could be their puppet.

ISN'T THAT FUCKING INSANE?!!

It may as well be the plot to a popular Netflix show! Is this real life? Is it really a shared reality we're all experiencing that an orange man with cotton candy hair is doing another country's bidding while under the auspices of the highest office in America?

That in itself is fucking crazy. Yet the HATE is why this guy even stood a chance. The ANGER of poor, willfully ignorant white people and their fear of a world that no longer looks like them has contributed to this air conditioned nightmare we currently occupy. The foreign agents have weaponised, and continue to weaponise, social media to create more hate and anger in our culture to the point that it's pervasive.

How pervasive, you ask? Well, for starters, these motherfuckers are comin' for my goddamn Star Wars.

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I lived through the prequels. The Special Editions were my first theatrical exposure to Star Wars; I lived through the hype leading up to them, and the cool off and eventual backlash. The hate was strong there, too-- it's been enumerated on plenty elsewhere, and rightfully so-- but nothing I've seen, read, or experienced firsthand over the nine or so years it took for the prequels to be advertised, merchandised, seen and dissected even compares to the fan division over the Last Jedi.

Before we go further, let me openly admit that I LOVE The Last Jedi. It looks amazing, adds to the lore, and gives us things we've never seen on screen before (an apprentice slaying his master to usurp him being one of the cooler moments). So if you think the movie sucked for whatever reason, fuck off, comrade. The only reason you have to stick around at this point is to hear how you're wrong.

All us fan boys and girls and geezers have expectations. Hell, we have them just as human beings. But when it comes to fandom, there's a whole bunch of us nerdy dickwads with all sorts of ideas as to how things SHOULD go. And when they don't, we tend to throw temper tantrums like the complicated titty babies we all have a tendency to be, to some degree, at least some of the time. But get over it. As someone else has said, for beloved franchises to continue, there can't be happy endings.

Look. I'd liked to have seen Luke Skywalker fuck shit up as much as the next dude who all but gets a boner talking about Star Wars. But that's not what happened. I would argue that what did happen was more badass, in its own way, but the haters just wanna cry about how they shouldn't of had Luke exile himself in the first place.

But they did, okay? They did, and now we have girls as main and supporting characters, a black guy as a Stormtrooper, and Carrie Fisher doing her best Christopher Reeve impression. So what?! Is any of that more ridiculous than sad children as Darth Vader and Boba Fett? Is any of that even near as fucking stupid as Jar Jar motherfucking Binks?!!

The truth is, none of the above should be things people even give a shit about (okay, maybe Jar Jar. Outside of the Clone Wars cartoon series he was pretty useless). If you do give a shit about any of that, to the point you harassed Kelly Marie Tran, or signed the petition for the gelatinous cockstain who supposedly has beaucoup bucks to remake The Last Jedi, or just generally dismissed the movie because it tore down the hero you own a myriad of action figures of, you're either A) a fucking joyless, bucket-of-lard-on-a-bad-day, basement-dwelling asshole no better than a vaguely racist, misogynist baby boomer, or B) a formerly communist agent of a current government that wants to divide another nation, right down to its popular culture.

I'm not claiming to know how many fall in either camp, but to those of you I've just insulted-- is it hard living in mom's basement? Sorry, I get distracted-- if you're still reading, which camp do you want to fall in? Because neither of those are groups I'd like to associate with.

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The world moves on from all of us, to one degree or another, with time. Change is the only constant in the universe, after all. But new things--sequels of beloved movies, specifically, or remakes or adaptations-- don't negate or destroy the thing you loved that had a less than satisfying continuation to you. In this digital world, all that shit exists in some form still for you to revisit and continue to enjoy, ignoring the new shit altogether, if you want!

So get with it and find something to enjoy, like I still enjoy facets of the prequels. Because something didn't live up to your considerable expectations does not mean your childhood is ruined-- it means maybe it's not for you, anymore. Don't drag the rest of us who still want to be included and along for the ride down with you with the hate. It's tired and old, or maybe I'm tired and old and can't keep up with it-- but stay in your cave, troll. Some of us want to see a few more twin sunsets before we're done.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, kids. I'm back, but who knows for how long.

MEGAREVIEW: Star Wars The Black Series 6" Stormtrooper, Boba Fett, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca and Darth Vader

I have an on-again, off-again love affair with Star Wars.

As a kid growing up in the early 80's (Jedi came out in '83), the property was like street cred with the other ankle biters. I never owned many of the toys as a child (although the 3 3/4" scale B-Wing and Chewie were both briefly prized possessions), and maybe that fed into my obsession with the property. I dreamed of Star Wars and cool Star Wars toys that I never had as a kid, and as a teen, Kenner/Hasbro's revival of the toys was that dream come true, not to mention the Special Editions of the films making their way to the theater.

Enter the Prequels. I remember that high, that feeling of excitement that came along with those new movies, the money spent on merchandise that only went on to disappoint me. I suppose the falling out from our relationship culminated with Revenge Of The Sith. I'd seen all the movies, bought many of the toys (too many!) and the last movie in the new Trilogy, the one that I'd hoped would be great from the start that would finally cement all those visions of Anakin and Obi-Wan's fateful duel, it just... fell flat. I was tired. Tired of defending the property from haters and having to say things like "Well, yeah, Jar-Jar Binks was terrible, but I can still overlook all of that because of blah blah blah lightsabers." I could go on and on about how I felt and still feel about Star Wars but this is a toy review, right?

Anyways-- I haven't given George Lucas any money since Sith, and I wasn't going to. Really, I wasn't going to bother. I still have a whole bin of SW stuff at my folks' house that needs selling, why did I need to get into a new line? Sure, J.J. Abrams' reveals of the new movie thus far have me very cautiously optimistic, but I would not get sucked in like I did with Episodes I, II, and III.

Then I ran across the Stormtrooper in the wild. I knew, as soon as picked the figure up in its package and gazed at that familiar and menacing visage, that I wouldn't be able to stop at just one.

Stormtrooper

The Good: I did a quick look of the trooper a little while back, but felt he needed a proper review. Every little detail is present that you might expect. The sculpt works great with the articulation and the articulation scheme itself is absolutely superb. I realize that the smaller scale SW stuff has been good and maybe even bordering on great in recent years, but having the same approach in a larger scale speaks to my dorkiness somehow. Maybe I'm still trying to fill the void left by DC Universe Classics, but these things are fucking hand candy.

The Stormtrooper comes with two blasters: the small rifle that is almost always their signature sidearm, and a larger rifle. Both fit perfectly in their hands (BOTH of their hands!) and the articulation with fiddling can get you some very realistic gun-holding poses. The holster for the small rifle is always a welcome addition; I'm a big fan of when figures can store accessories, particularly when it makes sense. A swarm of these fuckers would look great together on the shelf. I could only talk myself into two; your mileage may vary, now that these are plentiful and not one-per-case.

The Bad: The paint apps on both of mine aren't the greatest. They're there where it counts on the black areas, but there's some slop and scuffing on what should otherwise be a pristine set of figures. Other than that, these are great figures.

Overall: This figure is a great representation of one of the most recognizable SW icons. $20 may seem a little steep--the second trooper, ordered from Amazon, was $22.99-- but this is the world we're living in. Since 3 3/4" figures run about half that now, I'd say double the price for roughly double the scale is pretty fair. The trooper(s) scores an A.

Boba Fett

The Good: Talk about love-hate relationships. Boba here is a character that has had some ups and downs for sure, especially in my eyes. He went from badass mysterious bounty hunter to ineffective cool-looking dude once I realized all he ever did was find the Millenium Falcon in Empire and was given Han Solo by Vader before disappointing us all with his ill-fated dive into the Sarlacc. Let's not get into Attack Of The Clones.

Fett, like the trooper, looks spot-on. I'm sure naysayers and nit-pickers could find plenty of details that are off, but he looks right to me. There isn't a ding, scratch or gauntlet wire out of place, he has his Wookie pelts, gauntlets (with rocket and flamethrower attachments), his jetpack, and the little tools in his shin pouches are sculpted in. He also comes with two guns: his rifle and a pistol that also fits neatly into a holster on his leg. He holds both well in either hand and getting him to duel-wield blasters is pretty fun. There is an issue I'll get to with rifle below, though.

The paint is about the same as the trooper. It gives you the general idea, but there's bound to be some slop or fuzziness if you look close enough. The Mandolorian tampo is present on one shoulder, naturally, and the soft goods cape is also screenprinted with a stripe pattern.

Also like the trooper, his articulation scheme works pretty great.

The Bad: Boba's range of hip movement is a tad lacking because of the big pouches on his belt. You can still get plenty of cool poses, but having him sit down is probably out of the question. The cape is a bit cumbersome due to the stiffer fabric used for it, which is made worse by the screenprinting on it. It can seem more in the way some times than it should, and a softer material with no printing might have been better.

The biggest issue I have with the figure is his rifle. It looks accurate. It looks great in his hand. But if you try and pose him holding the rifle in a proper "looking down the sight" pose the plastic on the stock and barrel begins to bend. Now, this is preferable to less forgiving plastic for certain, but it makes me think the scale might be off on the blaster or that Boba would have benefited greatly from up-and-down movement in his right wrist (like the trooper) instead of a lateral joint. This isn't exactly a huge deal-- the pistol and the fact that both hands have trigger sculpts, giving you options, almost makes up for it--but not having a Boba Fett who can convincingly shoulder his weapon when the Stormtrooper can is a bit frustrating.

Overall: While I think the Stormtrooper spoiled me with better wrist articulation, Boba is still a phenomenal entry into this line. The Fettster here gets an A-. A different wrist joint probably would have gotten him a higher score.

Luke Skywalker

The Good: After hunting in vain for a few weeks now, I have yet to run across a Jedi Luke. While Empire is my favorite SW, Luke in his Jedi outfit is still my favorite look him. But anyways-- I got tired of waiting and snagged Luke this morning before finishing this review. Here he is in his Dagobah/Bespin outfit, and it's a very nice rendering of the look. He comes complete with his blaster, which is actually a different blaster than Han's, and his dad's lightsaber with a removable blade.

I'm kind of blown away by this figure, something I didn't expect. The head sculpt is pretty well-done, actually, and looks quite a bit like Mark Hamill. All the seams and pockets and the weird puffiness to his boots are all there, and his belt is a separate piece-- in fact, all of these figures sport their belts as a separate overlay rather than part of the figure's sculpt. The pistol fits in his holster and has a strap with a peg to keep it in place, nice touch. The lightsaber blade pops out of the hilt and has a hook to hang it from his belt.

He's very proportionate, being the smallest of the figures so far (since Mark Hamill is actually a little guy), and looks great with Vader towering over him.

He poses nicely, except for one important stance required of every lightsaber-wielding character...

The Bad: Luke has a hard time holding his saber in both hands. It can be done, mind you, but it takes a little more effort than I'd like. He lacks a bicep joint, opting instead for "elbrows"-- elbow joints that also turn laterally. I've grown accustomed to these on G.I.Joes, but most Joes don't need to hold a sword two-handed. Combine that with the gummy plastic used for his saber handle and you're talking worse warping than Boba's rifle, which is a shame. Other than the two-hand grip troubles, I've only one other major gripe with Luke: the plastic used for his flesh tone combined with the grey/beige coloring on his outfit wash him out a little too much. A warmer flesh tone would have probably looked better, but all that's pretty minor compared to the saber holding.

Overall: While not my preferred look for him, they still didn't skimp on the figure. The Son of Skywalker scores an A.

Han Solo

The Good: I wasn't initially going to pick up any 'human' characters in this line. Much like their 3 3/4" offerings, the likenesses for their on-screen counterparts seemed lacking. But once I picked up Chewbacca, I couldn't leave him all alone with some Empire goons. And my Toys R Us credit gives me 10% off on Thursdays, so I figured picking up Han on discount (even if only a tiny discount) was worth it.

I'll put aside the likeness issues for the moment. The costume, like the trooper, like Fett, all seems just right. The paint applications on Han seem improved, but there's much less to do and a tampo for his leg striping. His articulation is also good, sporting elbrows like Luke. Unlike luke, he doesn't have a saber to hold, so they serve their purpose much better.

Han, who could easily be light on accessories, comes with his trademark blaster (which also has a usable holster, huzzah!) and again, everything looks accurate to my memory on the belt and pistol. The kicker is that he also comes with an extra set of gloved hands (which I think are from one scene in Star Wars) as well as an extra Stormtrooper belt and trooper blaster that fits into a holster. They totally could have cheaped out on the accessories, and I'm glad they didn't. I love display options with my action figures, and Han has that in spades.

The Bad: Harrison Ford's likeness is infamous among toy collectors at this point for being almost impossible to nail. Having said that, they tried. Okay, it's not even close, really. But everything else is there, and there is no mistaking who the character is supposed to be, especially paired with other characters from the line. I really do like the figure, but the likeness being an afterthought scores Captain Solo a B.

Chewbacca

The Good: The figure is fucking HUGE. Some have commented that maybe he's a little too big, but I'm fine with that. Isn't Peter Mayhew like eight feet tall, or something? Chewbacca was the biggest character from the original movies, so him being the biggest figure is automatically something done right.

The sculpt is great. Usually I'm not a fan of screaming faces on my action figures, but if they have to have one, I'm glad they went with Chewie. The layers of fur can restrict some poses, but the articulation is pretty great for the most part. He can hold his bowcaster with two hands and shoulder it much more convincingly than poor Boba. Pictures of and words about this figure honestly do not do it justice. It's fucking Chewbacca, and a very cool Chewbacca too boot.

The Bad: Again, the sculpted layers of fur can restrict articulation, specifically the head. The only other nit I can pick is that the fur covering his hands looks odd due to the way it was sculpted defying gravity in certain poses. Chewbacca Vookie (say it in a German accent. It doesn't get old) scores an A+.

Darth Vader

The Good: Vader was my most-anticipated figure (other than Jedi Luke, who still eludes me). I read the complaints about him before ever seeing him in hand and knew that some folks were pretty disappointed for a number of reasons. But once I found Lord Vader and freed him from his prison, I gotta say I really like him, despite the faults.

Vader is our second biggest figure so far, and is appropriately larger than any of the troopers but smaller than Chewie. He looks imposing, as Darth Vader should, and once more all the iconic details you expect are present on the figure. There's very little paint slop, but then again there isn't much paint. The buttons on his chest, his belt, and the chest and shoulder armor are about it, and there's this strange red-brown on his eyes which takes a little getting used to. Given that this is apparently Vader from Jedi, the eyes make little sense but don't detract much from his overall appearance.

His cloak and inner robe are voluminous to the point where they border on too much. I'll get back to that.

His articulation scheme is what we've come to expect from the Black series, and works well. His hand holds his lightsaber well-- I use the singular of hand because the other one is in that "I am your father" pose, which looks pretty good for force choking or doubling up over his other hand holding the saber.

The helmet comes off to reveal Anakin's scarred visage. Like Solo, the likeness isn't really there, but you know who it's supposed to be, even with his eyebrows removed like in the Special Edition. Although I didn't realize it at first, the helmet does separate into two screen accurate pieces: the mask even has all the sculpted detail on the top where it gets covered by the helmet. His pimp chain-- er, cloak clasp is actually metal and looks pretty snazzy. He's undeniably hand candy like all the others reviewed today.

The Bad: The helmet comes off way too easily. Seriously, you can barely move his head without the damn thing coming off. While I appreciate the removable, two-piece helmet, I can't help but wonder if a solid Vader head would have been a better move. No doubt Hasbro is going to release several Vaders in this line, one to match every on-screen appearance (although to my eyes, Empire and Jedi Vader are pretty much the same), so I'm puzzled to why they went all out with the first Vader they did. I'm not saying they shouldn't have, I just would have thought they'd take awhile to get to the penultimate Vader look from the films.

The soft goods on the cape and inner robe, while nice, can be a bit much when posing the figure. you almost have to remove the helmet and toss the capes aside to pose him, especially the legs. I took the liberty of shifting his inner robe around a bit so that he wasn't stepping on it all the time, but I think less fabric would have been better. It's not awful and still looks good, but it can be a pain to fudge around with the figure without worrying that A) The helmet falls off, B) the chain doesn't get lodged in the chest armor, and C) the cloaks are out of the way and he's not trampling them. There's just a lot going on with the figure.

The outer cloak is attached to his shoulders at the chest armor via thread. It does a good job of making the cape 'drape' over his shoulders (something most companies can't even do with Batman!) but the threads tend to show depending on how he's posed.

His knees seem to be made of a gummier, more pliable plastic than the rest of him, which makes his legs seem looser than they actually are, almost to the point of being wobbly. But he holds poses pretty well unless you come by and jar him.

The last problem I have with Lord Vader here is that he has nowhere to put his lightsaber. You give everybody else a holster for their gun or hook for their lightsaber, and not Vader? It's a weird choice on a figure full of weird choices.

Overall: I really do like Vader despite any shortcomings. The volume of the cloaks and robes, while maybe not accurate or to scale, does make for an impressive toy. Vader would score an A- due to my love for the character, but Chewbacca is the clear winner of this bunch, demoting Lord Vader to a B+.

These are showing up just about everywhere now, save the newest wave that contains Vader, Chewie, Jedi Luke, a Sandtrooper and a white Boba variant, who are all currently exclusive to Walgreens, of all places. They cost $20 apiece, which isn't a great value, but compared to most mass market toys that are littered with re-use (sometimes understandably and necessarily so), these seem worth the cash. Between Vader and Chewie alone, I haven't felt like I've gotten my money's worth on toys in a very long time.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, kids. Til next next time.

-Swift

REVIEW: Play Arts Kai DC Variants Wave Two By Square Enix

It's been awhile since I've posted anything on ze interwebs. I quit Facebook and haven't really felt about ranting lately, and really haven't taken the time to review stuff. But I figured since these two came out that I'd get back on the review wagon and tell you how I like 'em, so here goes:

The Flash

The Good: When I first saw unpainted prototypes of the Scarlet Speedster here, I wasn't impressed. I felt the design was overdone, overwrought, even, to the point where they missed everything about what makes the Flash's costume work. Then there were the painted prototypes and the solicitation images of him being posed running and showing off the clear lightning effects that swap out for some of his regular parts... he was shiny and much sleeker-looking than that initial black and white prototype. He grew on me and I decided to get him.

The paint on Wally here (I'm sure he's supposed to be Barry, much like wave one's GL is obviously Hal, but goddammit, he's Wally to me-- the whited out eyes, the nose on the mask like Wally's final costume before the New 52, the hues of shiny red and maroon-- lemme pretend it's Wally, okay?) is pretty stellar compared to some of his PAK brethren. There's some fuzzy edges and some slop, but nothing that detracts from the overall look. He really pops on the shelf, which is saying something among my motley crew of superhero PAK.

Wally has two sets of extra hands (fists), three pairs of lightning effects (head antennae, forearms and waist), and of course the standard PAK stand that you have to assemble yourself. The effects parts swap out pretty easily, but there's some issues I'll get to below. Once equipped with the effects his overall look is even more striking. It's almost like they crossed the Flash with Guyver or any number of Sentai characters (that's Power Rangers for us yanks), and it's fitting, in a way, and a much better look for a character whose costume in the comics now assembles from pieces, parts, and panels, which I'm sure was influenced by Guyver in the first place.

Poseability is what I've come to expect from PAK. They've even gone so far as to have seperate moving pieces in front of his ankles to not inhibit his foot movement, a vast improvement over Batman and GL from wave one, who had restricted ankle joints. The mid-foot joint is there, and welcome as always to keep his feet flat in most poses and provide stability, which would be easier if he had flatter feet. Like GL, Flash has strange high heels that initially put me off but are growing on me. On his thighs are also soft plastic panels that swing out when getting him into deep stances, and although they aren't pegged into place securely, I'd rather have them come off and be reattached easily than be stuck in place or worry about a peg twisting off.

All his joints are nice and tight and there's no breakage, thank Grodd.

The Bad: Flash's arms are a bit more limited than you might think at the shoulder and bicep, and that is a head-scratcher. Why make everything else have such a wonderful Range Of Motion and then skimp on the arms? It's not a huge oversight, really: his elbows bend in nicely, it just makes no sense to me. The shoulder armor seems to keep the bicep swivel from moving more than a little bit each way, and the shoulder ball joint doesn't seem to provide enough ROM for him to do much more than swing his arms convincingly in a running pose. So given the fact that he doesn't have any accessories to hold (such as a gun or sword that he would hold with both hands), it's something I'm largely going to overlook.

The effects parts, while fun and an appropriate inclusion, can be a tad frustrating. The waist ones in particular were a bit of a pain to get on because the tiny panels that swap out of his lower back were stuck in place with paint. Once removed, the lightning pieces pop in easily, and fall out with even more ease. The right one in particular wants to fall out on a whim at times, so careful handling while setting up for posing, or better yet, waiting until you get your pose just right and then adding the waist effects afterwards is advised.

The now-infamous "floating crotch" piece that almost all PAK have is present here, but on the Flash it seems like some sort of superhero thong or speedo. A scarlet speedo for the Scarlet Speedster?

The arm effects are a little odd, but so far on mine haven't been a problem. below the elbow ball joint is where you remove the entire forearm and then that pops apart into two pieces: the joint closer to the elbow is what you swap out for the effects part. Neither of these pieces are marked "right" or "left", and when I first put the arm effects on I had 'em backwards. I've read complaints and seen video reviews where the forearm wants to pop off once the effects part is put on, but I've only run into that with the regular arm pieces, which is fine by me as I prefer the lightning.

Last are the antennae. I get what they were going for with them, but the lightning for his head and waist suffer a bit from not enough paint application. It seems there's a bit of a gold overspray on some of the 'static' parts in the lightning's sculpt, but it still looks mostly like yellow-orange plastic. I prefer the solid antennae, otherwise it looks like Wally's got sparklers for ears.

The only glaring paint problems I found were on his left open hand: there's glop on two fingers, and when I tried to scrape it off it only revealed yellow plastic underneath. Bummer. But he looks just as good, maybe better, with the fists, so again, not a big deal.

Finally his neck could have a tad more ROM than it does. He can tilt side-to-side really well, but can't look up much due the lip of his helmet getting in the way. Again, I can live with it, as the rest of the articulation makes it hard to find things wrong without seeming nitpicky. In fact, most of the issues I've mentioned in this section are to me incredibly minor. I'm not looking for things wrong, I'm just trying to be thorough.

Overall: Flash, be he Wally or Barry or some wholly new Japanese version of the character, is a welcome addition to the DC Variants line. The shiny paint job, the design... it's a very fun figure. I was able to snag the Flash for a little over $60 with shipping from Sideshow Toys, and that was only due to using discount points that I forgot about a loooooong time ago. So not having to pay full price (around $80-$90 right now; I'm assuming that will drop as the figure is more readily available stateside, but not by much) was a huge plus. The Flash is up there with Batman and gets an A.

Batgirl

I still have a bit of a problem with Barbara Gordon resuming her role as Batgirl. Not that it irks me as much as the whole Wally West issue (yes, I know Wally's name has come up in solicits for future Flash adventures, and yes, I'm sure they're going to fuck with him more), but hear me out: you take her character, cripple her, and have her build herself back up from detrimental injury as this brilliant, behind-the-scenes tactician and facilitator (Oracle), make her the leader of a team of female heroes (Birds of Prey), make her a member of the JLA for about five minutes, introduce a new, protege Batgirl for her to train (Stephanie Brown), make the comic a blast to read, and then decide to make her all better and Batgirl again? It seems like a step back, if you ask me.

Okay, sorry. Done ranting. This isn't about my character preferences, it's about the toys, goddammit.

The Good: If the Flash was inspired by Super Sentai and Guyver, Batgirl has a very Gatchaman influence going on, and this is not a bad thing. The scalloped cape is a very obvious visual cue, and the helmet and hot pants (in lieu of a skirt) are evocative of the Ninja Science Team as well. Some folks don't care for the exposed skin from her shorts, but I feel it's much more appropriate than Wonder Woman's exposed midriff.

In short, Babs is everything in a PAK figure that wave one's Diana should have been.

Along with the callbacks to Gatchaman (or G-Force, or Battle of the Planets or whatever your preferred name for it is), her outfit is full of visual tie-ins to Batman's. The armor is very similar in places and the forearm blades are of the exact same design, although scaled down for her feminine physique.

Like most PAK, Babs is depicted with an exaggerated anime physique, but it's not as amazonian as Diana's, and she's not as tall as Wonder Woman, either, which is a nice touch. Like Diana, Batgirl has ridiculous high heels (I'm torn on the whole high heels issue with my superwomen-- I understand it, I guess, from an aesthetic standpoint, but I know heels are impractical especially if being worn for any activity involving walking let alone running or saving the world), but unlike Wonder Woman the design is chunky enough to support the figure's weight without bending, allowing Batgirl to stand without the assistance of the included stand, albeit precariously at times.

Paint is pretty top-notch on her as well, although there are one or two issues I'll get to. The gold is applied evenly and she has a very nice blue overspray, another callback to Batman. The wrist armor, a piece attached to Batman's hands, is built into the forearm on Batgirl, and is a seperate piece that swivels and gives full Range Of Movement from her hands and wrists, a nice touch.

Her arms and shoulders all have great range. She comes with two sets of open hands to hold her knife/sword (the packaging refers to this as a kunai, a type of shuriken, but I really don't see it). At first I was a little nonplussed at the sword, because I thought she couldn't hold it well. Upon further play, both gripping hands have a little trench in the fingers that the handle of the sword fits into perfectly. Whether or not she'll be able to hold it indefinitely over time with the wear of play remains to be seen.

She has a second weapon, a batarang, which matches the folded pair of them she wears on her loose-fitting belt (surely another Ninja Science Team callback), and it's a huge improvement over the one included with Bats. It's fully formed, and although it bears the dreaded manufacturing stamp, it's less obvious than the larger Batman 'rang. She includes a third right hand to hold the batarang, but I find either sword gripping hand accommodates it better.

Finally Babs has two separate sections of cape that are sort of swooping or swirling, so with enough time and patience there's a lot of poses you can get her into that implies dynamic movement, and they cement the Gatchaman  influence even further.

The double-jointed knees are back, a welcome departure from Wonder Woman who only had the black Revoltech-style ball joints. Whether it was a design choice on WW because she had more exposed skin and less going on with her legs to hide the joints is up for debate, but I'm glad they went this with Batgirl.

Her head paint applications are spot-on, and the two-toned paint on her lips looks really good. There's even a joint for her hair, but the flowing, sculpted nature of it along with the lip on the back of her cowl limit her neck articulation a little more than I would like. And on that note...

The Bad: There's a lot of fuzz regarding the paint application along her neckline. Again, not hugely distracting, but it's there. There's also a stray splotch of dark paint on her left thigh that you can probably see in my awful pictures.

Her eyes, although painted well, have the Doll Dot going on, something I've not paid much attention to since the old 1/6 Sideshow Star Wars figures were being made prior to Hot Toys' involvement. Overall her eyes give her face a sort of vacant expression depending on the angle, and upon further inspection it's due to her mask/eye alignment. Something is off that I can't put my finger on, but it looks like her eyes are either not proportionate to the eye holes of her cowl, or that her eye paint is off just enough to look odd. Hrmmf.

Exercise caution when moving her hips forward and back-- I thought initially there was a problem with the left hip joint that wasn't allowing it forward movement, but then after some play I ran into that problem with the right hip. Turns out her torso joint, depending on the angle and pose, can restrict her hips. A simple solution is to pose her torso out of the way before moving the hips, which is kind of frustrating-- but the sacrifice would be a less 'full' look in her trunk and waist, so I'll deal with it.

I'm not convinced that her heels will hold their shape over time, but I could just be concerned because of the softer plastic on WW and the fact that most PAK's joints can sag or droop over time as more wear develops from posing and re-posing. As of now, they do a good job of keeping her standing if you've got her balanced just right.

Her physique is more woman than girl, for sure, and that may bother some. It doesn't bother me, because I know how heavily manga/anime-influenced Square's designers were going for with these figures, and most Japanese anime depictions of women seem to fall into two categories: body of a twelve year old boy (not creepy at all, that) or over-the-top voluptuous. Given the choice, I'm glad they went with the latter. Your mileage may vary.

Overall: Batgirl is far and away the most fun of these designs so far, and almost makes up for the fact that their Wonder Woman fell so short in execution. I'd love for a Robin in this vein, as the Gatchaman influence would translate fantastically to the Boy Wonder. Batgirl is not only another great female from PAK, but probably tied with Batman as the best of the variants thus far.

Taking a cue from my stepson, Ezra, I'll rank the first five figures in order of coolness and value:

1. Batman/Batgirl
2. Flash
3. Green Lantern
4. Wonder Woman

It seems they realized some of first wave were lacking, particularly Wonder Woman, and Batgirl is a marked improvement and a much worthier purchase. I went to ebay for Babs, and she was $85, which included shipping, a little more than I paid for any of wave one. I justified that the price was worth it, since I got the Flash discounted, but again: your mileage may vary. Batgirl gets an A, and that's coming very close to an A+ if not for the steep price that only gets steeper, it seems, with each new PAK release. Having said that, the quality for wave two, at least on my figures, seems better. I'm still not sure that it justifies the price increase, but patient collectors (which I am not!) should be able to grab these for $20-$30 cheaper if they're vigilant and watch prices on amazon and ebay.

I really, really, like the DC Variants, and with EIGHT more on the horizon (Superman/Supergirl, Aquaman/Cyborg, Hawkman/Darkseid, Joker/Harley Quinn), some less interesting than others (I refuse to accept Cyborg as part of the League; he's the heart and soul of the Titans, goddammit! And Darkseid just looks bland), even if you pick and choose a few of these you probably won't be disappointed, especially getting them cheaper than the MSRP.

Til next time, kids.

-Swift

REVIEW: Play Arts Kai DC Variants Wave One By Square Enix

I've been waiting quite a while for these. When first announced, I had a similar thought to the Dark Knight Trilogy Batman: "Really? Another One?" But then of course the geek impulses took over, and I not only ordered Bats, but all three. As I've stated several times recently, my disenchantment for DC's current regime is strong, so strong that I'm willing to give most other takes on their characters (specifically Batman) more of a chance than I might have in the past. So Ninja Batman? Sure, twist my arm.

Batman

The Good: These are all much, much bigger than Square's Arkham figures. They're more in scale with some of the older, game-centric PAK, like Dante, and allegedly fit in perfect, scale-wise, with their Metal Gear offerings, none of which I own. A Batman who can stare down Dante and Nero and Vergil will make for some fun display ideas, if I let it.

There's a lot of intricate sculpting going on with him, and it's a visually striking look. They've taken the "knight" part of "Dark Knight" a bit literally, albeit with patented semi-futuristic Anime flair. He wears an appropriately stern expression, albeit a very simplified look what with the animated styling and all.

He comes with a rifle, and whether or not it's supposed to be a grappling gun is up for debate. They've already given him a kickass ninjato sword, so I guess a gun isn't too far-fetched, either. The detailing on his costume is fantastic, and they went so far as to make the little capsules on his thighs match not only the handle of his sword (which I naturally assume extends like Sulu's from Star Trek), but the capsule in his rifle. So instead of a utility belt, he has a versatile, capsule-based weapons system, I guess. Interesting.

The cape is pretty magnificent. I like the texturing throughout that makes it seem more like cloth than leather, like their other Bat-releases to date. There are grappling hooks at the end of some of the scallops, but seeing as how this is an Anime-flavored over-the-top take, I don't mind them very much, even though they would be ridiculously impractical. The same could be said, of course, of the gigantic spikes from his gauntlets.

His paint apps, unlike the other two, seem to be very spot on. There are several tiny little flecks out of place or missing in areas, but nothing as bad as what I'll get into with WW below, and none of it detracts from his overall look.

The Bad: His arms have more of a limited range of movement than I would like. There's still tons of poses possible, and just having him stand there looking badass is more than acceptable. But between the arms and the ankles, which also seem to need some heavy play to move forward properly, it's a bit of a bummer. He suffers from the same "floating ball joint" issues as the other PAK Batmen: due to the weight of the cape, the mid-torso joint tends to sag or lean unless the cape is propped up behind him to hold the weight.

I would also have liked to see more extra hands included. He comes with two sets of fist and two sets of relaxed, open hands, and only ONE hand to hold his sword, rifle or batarang. Speaking of the batarang, it's also a bit of a let down. I mean, sure, every Batman figure should at least have a batarang, but this one just seems cheaply made and not completely thought out: one side is indented, like it's hollow, and has a molded stamp with manufacturing info on it. And while his sword and gun also have this, it's hidden for the most part by his grip. The batarang only looks good from the one angle, and that stinks. Also, I don't care for the rifle or whatever you want to call it. It's nothing against Bats using guns, I just don't think you can achieve a lot of good poses with it because of the limited shoulder and bicep articulation. Also, continued use of the rifle will undoubtedly stretch his only accessory-ready hand out of whack and make it harder for him to hold his sword.

Overall: After seeing the pictures online of these, I was pretty geeked out and anticipating these for a while. But after having them in hand, and seeing some of the issues I'll get to momentarily, I gotta say I'm a little disappointed. Having said that, Batman is my favorite of the bunch, something I (surprisingly) did not anticipate. The styling of the figure is fantastic, and I''m curious to see if PAK will come up with a ninja/samurai-themed villain to accompany Bruce on the shelf. A Samurai Ra's al Ghul would be pretty boss. Just sayin', Square. Batman here is an easy A.

Wonder Woman

The Good: Diana here is a great-looking figure, and a great-looking female for sure. Her proportions and stature, while again flavored heavily by Anime, don't look too exagerrated or weird. I dig the costume, for the most part, although the exposed belly is off-putting. Her shield is a great inclusion, and the lasso is a nice detail (even if it's sculpted to her 'belt'), and her hair has that nice, wavy Anime windblown effect and is a soft enough plastic to not impede articulation. There's a lot to love in the sculpting and paintwork... until you get to the issues I have with my figure.

Paint issues at their worst...

The Bad: Did these get rushed into production or something? Because it feels like I've waited most of the year for these to come out. Her upper torso joint was stuck upon removing her from the packaging; fearing I would break her, I carefully worked at it until it came free, only to find that ALL the metallic red paint underneath the lip of the upper torso came free once the joint was unstuck. It seems that she wasn't left to dry before assembling, so there's this ugly, copper-ish tone all around the edge of her lower abdomen joint that is all too apparent if you move her just a tad too far in any direction. Ugh. There are also minor issues with the gold on her chest armor, and while that's not a deal breaker, it pisses me off even more that she has not one, but several paint issues.

And that isn't all. The choker around her neck (the default one) was also stuck thanks to un-dried paint. I got it off, but there's a bunch of silver around her neck post (you have to remove the default choker, meaning pop off the head first, to use the 'shield-holder' choker) that the alternate choker doesn't fully cover. And once you get the shield on the other choker, it doesn't really do any good to have the shield mounted on her back because it always has her looking slightly down.

So I doubt I'll ever mount the shield on her back, for starters. What's more is that her shoulder ball joints are extremely tight, which takes some doing to pose her around. There's a black spot of paint below her eye as well as on her collarbone, again, minor issues, but combined with the huge ones makes me want to like the figure less. I currently have an e-mail in to amazon to see what can be done.

So, bad paint, tough joints, everything else is okay, right? Wrong. She has RIDICULOUS high heels. I mean, even the sluttiest of strippers would have a hard time walking around in these, and the spikes on them are not a hard plastic, meaning they want to bend and buckle as you try and get her to stand. The included stand should alleviate that, but I prefer when my figures can stand on their own, something that can be done, with careful posing. Whether or not she'll stay standing indefinitely is unlikely, as I've found out several times now the hard way.

They've eschewed the usual double-jointed knee construction, meaning her legs don't bend as far as other PAK. Finally, and I think this is only because her crotch piece (the floating 'underwear' most PAK have to cover their hip joints) sits too high on mine, Diana has a weird 'front butt' thing going on. It's not as noticeable in some poses, but it still looks odd. So odd that I thought her legs had been swapped and assembled backwards, but I guess they're going for a 'barely there' feel with her undies. Hurmph.

Overall: I really want to like this figure more than I do. When these were first announced, WW was my favorite of the three designs. But the plague of paint issues takes another victim for Square Enix, and I can't give WW more than a B- and keep a good conscience. I was tempted to make that lower, but I'm taking into account that these paint issues are (hopefully) not present on all the figures, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt while I futz around and try to appreciate the figure for what it is. If I do end up getting a replacement from amazon (which I doubt), and it's in better shape, I'd go with a B. As it is, B-, baby.

Green Lantern

The Good: My stepson happens to think that this is the coolest PAK I own, if that counts for anything. But then again, his journey into the geek underworld is just beginning. Hal here (I'm assuming it's Hal, although some have said he could easily be Kyle; but it's Hal, dammit. Kyle needs his crab mask!) is, like the other two, a very visually striking figure. There's a lot of shiny metallic paint going on as well as clear plastic overlays for his chest, boots and arm guards, and the look is pretty wow-ing. His crackling energy effect alternate ring hand is pretty friggin' sweet, too, and unlike some other reviewers have commented, doesn't look too yellow to me. There's a lot of nice paint work, and even though it seems pretty spot on... there's some things going on with him, too.

The Bad: Hal suffers from the same weird high ankle joints as Batman. Again, maybe I need to play with them more to loosen them, but I'm a little surprised that they designed the joint a) Higher up than usual, and b) With a bunch of shit covering the front of the ankle to impede movement. He still stands great with a little coaxing, and again, LOOKS great. However, almost all the metallic paint on his rubbery parts (specifically his crotch piece and shoulder armor) feels kind of sticky to the point I'm kind of afraid to touch him too much. Dammit.

His left top knee joint was stuck. Like Diana, fearing breakage, I very carefully oafed(TM) it free, and whether it was un-dried paint like WW or glue, a bunch of paint came off the bottom of his thigh joint, exposing an unsightly edge of flesh-colored plastic. Not a deal-breaker, and nowhere near as bad as WW's issues, but a bitch nonetheless. I seriously wonder what the fuck is going on at Square Enix. Either I'm having a bad run with these, or their QC is getting bad, almost Mattel-level bad, and for what these fuckers cost, that's unacceptable. There's also a weird red spot on the front of his energy effect, which is baffling, because there is not a SINGLE SHRED OF RED ON HIM. Fucking hell.

Overall: Hal fares better than Diana, but not much. I'll give him a B, but after my disappointment with WW, it's perilously close to a B-.

Batman is the standout of this series, without question. Would my opinion differ if I didn't have QC issues with mine? Maybe. But I shouldn't have issues with these at fucking $80 a pop. If they were to have ANY issues, they should be very, very minor. For this much money, they should be great, not just good. Having said that, I intend to pick up all the DC Variants, seeing as how looks-wise, these are awesome. I just hope they figure out their issues overseas and make sure the next few waves (Flash/Batgirl, Superman/Supergirl, Aquaman/Cyborg) don't suffer the same fate. I don't regret getting these, but I am let down that they could have been far better, specifically WW.

Cheers.

Swift